Hello everybody,
I found an awesome interview Mike Shinoda did with a german news site. To make it accessible for everybody I decided to translate it. I am sorry for grammatical mistakes, english is not my native language.
Mike, when did you decide to process the death of Chester Bennington in an artistical way?
Mike: very soon. It was obvious to me that I had to do it that way. There was no other option for me to handle what happened. Art was always the thing that brought me through difficult times, whether it was the music or the painting.
Your whole life?
Yes. I feel safety when I am drawing, painting or writing music. This is like a parallel world for me. Even when I was a child I used to escape in this world when I had problems. It has always been the best way to heal for me, a lot more than watching a film or whatever. Creativity is so precious. I wish more people would believe in themselves and their ability to create something with their own hands. You don't have to be a Rembrandt or whatever to feel stronger after you've created something by yourself.
Did you do a classical psychotheraphy after Chester passed away?
Well, no. I was honestly thinking about it, but eventually I didn't go to a professional psychotherapist. I have a very good network of friends, actually some of them are professional psychiatrists. Obviously they supported me a lot. A lot of my friends are very smart and sensitive. They helped me a lot.
Can you name someone?
For example Rick Rubin. He is a person who saw literally everything in his life. He has a great spirit and doesn't waste time for unnecessary things in a conversation. Rick recorded some of our albums, he knew Chester very well. And of course he knew that Chester always suffered from depression. We talked that usually you see when people suffer from a really heavy depression that they don't feel good in their own skin. With Chester it was completely different. He did so well with hisself. He always had a really close relationship to his inner personality. We figured out that we won't become answers. Obviously I am wondering "Why?". But nobody will ever be able to tell me. I am one of Chesters best friends, however I will never understand why it had to happen.
A few months before his death we met Chester in Berlin and talked to him about his mental health. He was really open talking about his problems, his alcohol addiction, his anger and his soul anxiety.
I know. He was really open what is totally unusual for people with mental diseases. He was so honest and also vulnerable. He has been struggeling for years with addictions. It was an up and down. During the work on "One More Light" he had a really bad stage, but we thought things are looking up. There were a lot people who supported him, but also, there were a lot people who insulted him. Just because they were not okay with the new sound of Linkin Park. That really hurt him a lot. The hate on "One More Light" went straight into his heart.
Were you scared about him?
We always tried to take care of each other. The best it was possible. But the worry was always in our mind. Maybe in the back of our head. We looked really careful on how he was doing. But you cannot see what is going on inside someone.
Three songs from Post Traumatic were released in January on the EP. How did the fans react to it?
It was so touching. I created the music in a way it is as close as possible for me to our fans. I really wanted to let the people see into my world. And I was so touched by the love and consolation I got on my social media sites. I hear a lot people moan that the kids of today are spending too much time on their smartphone. I made a total different experience with that. The fans on the social networks were so compassionate with me. But not only with me, also with other fans. They were giving each other consolation in such a beautiful way. It was amazing.
In "Place To Start" we hear your friends talking to your answering machine asking how you doing.
Oh yeah, an unbelievable amount of people got in touch with me. They always asked me "What happened?" or "How are you doing?". Usually if your friend or family member passed away, a little circle of your closest people ask you how you doing and care about you. But if you are in the public eye and the whole world know what happened, the circle is that big you can't imagine. I answered this questions so many times. Most of the time online. I could not leave my house for the first weeks.
Why not?
I just wanted to be alone with my grief. I wanted to have time with myself. I once left my house for going to lunch and some paparazzi saw me. They stand all around me and were just annoying. They bothered me with photos and interviews. They stand around my car so annoying, I could not even drive away without drive them over. And then they screamed "Mike, tell us what happened", "Mike, are you sad?". I just want them to know that they should be ashamed. After that I didn't leave the house for weeks again.
When did you finally decide to go out again?
I couldn't stay at home for the rest of my life. Obviously. I had to bring my kids to school. And I had to go to birthda parties of the kids' friends. And obviously, all the other parents again "Mike, how you doing?" "Mike, can we help you?" I appreciated that. They meant it very well, I know, but it just throws you back in your healing. When someone talked to me about Chester I was instantly remembering the moment I heard what happened. I thought, okay if I don't have the answers to this questions I am gonna try to write music to deal with it.
Songs like "Watching As I Fall" and "Nothing Makes Sense Anymore" are a lot more dark and desperate than "Lift Off" or "About You" for example. How come? I always tried to catch my feelings and put them into music. So I had different stages of grief and you can hear them on the different songs. But the stages don't come in order, they come randomly. But basically the last year was a journey from a very dark and sad place to something completely new. Chester is not alive anymore. He was a very special person and had one of the best voices of our generation. We were all happy to have known him. I don't wanna say you have to live with what happened, because I can not do it. It is still incomprehensible to me. But somehow you have to deal with it.
How important was humor to you during your grief?
A lot more important than I thought. We sat, and still do, a lot together, Talinda, Anna and me. Some of our talks were very dark, but some very really funny to be honest. We used to think "What are we doing here?" while we were laughing. But that was just the way Chester was. He was so funny. And he was the kind of person who randomly went to strangers and talked to them. He loved that.
"Sometimes you say Goodbye over and over and over again". What do you mean by that?
I wrote the first verse on the day we were playing the Hollywood Bowl show. The second verse was written the day after. It was at a time when everything reminded me of Chesters death, the tragedy, the uncertain and the damage of my life's work. Over Again helped me to get through that chaos.
What is "Lift Off" about?
It is about escapism. When it all gets too much for me I try to make a break from griefing. Somehow I try to be happy and positive. And that's just what "Lift Off" is - a positive song. Somehow this song is also about utopias. My dad is a aerospace engineer, he worked on the space shuttle and the apache fight helicopters. For him, there is a technical solution for everything. I really admire that. When I was a kid my dad took me to rocket starts and it was really fascinating for me, but that's just not my destiny. I don't wanna go to space, I wanna stay on earth. Here is our future.
So you are positive for the future?
Totally. Because I see this obstinately and imperturbable optimism of the younger generation to solve the problems we all talk about. I was not born yet when we had a same situation - the protests against the Vietnam war. The kids were motivated and passionated for what they were fighting for. Their goal was to change the world. And it is quite similiar today. And with the internet there is a good tool to achieve that.
Do you as a 41-year-old man think you are part of the movement?
I have the feeling that I have a lot more in common with people in their twenties than with people in my age.
How will your upcoming shows look like?
I am going to play some solo songs, some songs from my side project Fort Minor and also some Linkin Park songs. And I will be solo.
I guess the future of Linkin Park is still unknown, right? Yes. We have no plans. Sometimes we meet and go to dinner or also to the studio. A few times we were making music, but just for ourselves. Not with the goal to create something to publish. We have to arrange with the situation. We have to find stability. We have to create new versions of our lives. That needs time. Whatever is going to happen to Linkin Park, we are friends and we are a community. We will always stay together, whether we will be doing music again or not. I simply love this guys and I think they do too.
Once again: Sorry for mistakes!!!
Source: https://www.unicum.de/de/entertainment/promis-interviews/mike-shinoda-im-interview-ich-werde-es-nie-verstehen
Yes! You're absolutely right. But this was the original headline in the interview, so I decided to just translate it and not change it. (btw: german source: https://www.promiflash.de/news/2018/08/03/nicht-chesters-tod-das-war-fuer-seine-witwe-das-schlimmste.html- video only accessable on a german TV channel)